Don't Just Isolate from Stressors--Create Joyful Moments

Many institutions and systems would ask a person to conform to it. But it is not likely to work with an Aspie. Instead of bending the Aspie, consider selecting environments and communities to fit him.

One of the ways I seek to accomplish this for Ian is to evaluate each opportunity--are there clearly defined times when there is free play, guided activity and simple to understand must do's to earn privileges. Do the humans demonstrate flexibility and grace once the activity begins or are there frequent interruptions and amendments to the routine?

Lists and routines that are tangible--clear cut to almost computer programming specificity might annoy a neuro-typical person, but seem to alleviate frustration and misunderstanding for Aspies. They will even cite an algorithm as case law to defend their stance. Do not take minute detailed clarification personally as sarcasm--their non-verbal and tone intelligence is not necessarily appropriate to their debates.

For that reason, I found that communicating with people through chat was a lot more rewarding than in-person. I found that I got to know more people better with less frustration on both sides, embarrassed myself less often, and felt like I accomplished something even when we were in "small talk".

So, when I moved forward from isolating stressors to Ian (which can cause him to become hermit-like), towards discovering and incorporating joyous moments and activities, I found that there are people and activities out there that fit him! e.g.

Osh--taste and texture, simplicity of flavors
Salmon Sashimi--"it makes me feel warm and fuzzy..."

Ian seems to avoid any food item that is squishy like avocado or mashed banana like in his mouth, or stringy like ligaments in meat or string-like in vegetable.

Escape Adventureplay--intense physical activity with heroic affirmation and challenge. Predictable patterns.

Tae Kwon Do--intense physical activity, predictable, cumulative. Visible level up awards.

Hip Hop Dance--intense activity, cumulative choreography that is predictable.

Ian likes collecting visible signs of achievement such as belts and trophies.

Bassoon--low bass sounds and vibration, complex patterns for fingering Lego blocks--open ended play with clear rules constructs and few limits Mindcraft--electronic equivalent of Legos.
Songs--Ian does not like tenor/soprano sounds that are shrill or warble. He prefers deep bass notes with resonance.

One of the ways to discover what works is to ask questions and investigate why Ian obsesses over anything he likes or dislikes. Allow him to tell you why it is important to him, then you can extrapolate and infer what he finds important and why. Then I can identify other environments, activities and people might be enjoyable and appropriate for him.

~ Shien