Aspie Creed

• Just because I have worked with and learned one Aspie does not mean I have met and understand all Aspies. Aspies share some traits, but no two are identical.
• It is never too late for me to learn about Asperger's Syndrome (AS), everyone had to begin by arming yourself with information.
• Not everyone with AS traits is an Aspie. You cannot know what a person goes through in their interior life.

Aspie Traits and my responses to them:

  Personal / Physical

• Repetitive routines or rituals--therefore, I shall not surprise him with changes after he begins.
• Engages in tasks (sometimes mundane ones) for hours--therefore, I shall engage him in meaningful tasks and feed him with beneficial routines, then I shall give him space to satiate himself to completion.
• Carries a Flat, or blank expression much of the time--just because he communicates flatly does not mean he does not feel strongly about what he is communicating.
• Doesn't always recognize faces right away (even close loved ones)--especially when recently engaged in an activity that required his deep focus. Therefore, I shall help him by prompting who he is meeting and cueing a positive response, so as to avoid embarrassment.
• Strong sensitivity to sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell (e.g. fabrics—won’t wear certain things, fluorescent lights--I shall remain empathic and compassionate and gather information about these realities and not belittle or antagonize him with such idiosyncrasies.
• Sensitivity to the texture of foods--my son struggles with chewing sinewy meat and vegetables and mushy textures such as avocado.
• Eccentric personality--I shall embrace my son's unique personality and sense of humor, and joy for obnoxious and playful behavior.
• Idiosyncratic attachment to inanimate object--I shall respect my son's choices to collect and arrange his treasures.
• Being "in their own world" / Preoccupied with their own agend--I shall respect my son's affinity for deep reading and thought when engaging in technology.
• Highly gifted in one or more areas--I shall actively fuel and facilitate my son's passion for Bassoon, Escape Adventureplay, Hip Hop Dance, Reading, Martial Arts, Math and Science.
• Single-mindedness--I appreciate my son's ability to zero-in and deep focus.
• Likes and dislikes can be very rigid--I shall respect my son's clear preferences and attempt to accommodate them.
• Can spend hours researching, loves learning and information--I shall offer my son plenty of time researching and adding to his Da Vinci Diary, to celebrate his teachable moments and add to his pool of knowledge.
• May have difficulty staying in college despite a high level of intelligence--I shall not demand or expect continuity in a course, only mastery and persistence in paths of value.
• Limited interests / Intense focus on one or two subjects--my son is a specialist
• Unusual preoccupations--my son is willing to deeply consider other aspects of this amazing world.
• Collects things--my son loves collecting things he becomes attached to, including Bey Blades, Lego Sets, Achievement trophies, etc.
• Clumsiness / Uncoordinated motor movements--my son takes a while to analyze and comprehend repetitive movements, but acquires them with time and practice, then perfects them.
• Speech and language peculiarities / hyperlexia (little professors) or, early in life may have a speech impediment--
• Non-verbal communication problems: difficulty reading body language, facial expression and tone--I appreciate my son's willingness to learn and differentiate the subtleties of non-verbal communication, especially when they contradict what is said.
• Word repetition (they may frequently repeat what you've just said)--I shall not be impatient with my son's process of imprinting and recalling what I have just communicated as it is his way of assimilating auditory communication.
• Excellent rote memory--I shall not be impatient with or belittle my son's ability to absorb vast amounts of peripheral visual information (e.g. the color of laser fire in a video game) even when I don't consider it important. 

Relationships

• We Can often be distant physically and/or emotionally--I shall attempt to facilitate meaningful interaction by cueing and reminding the spontaneous and importance of timely response to interaction.
• Often are attracted to another purely because they are attracted to us--I shall be patient and remain honest as my son navigates this emotionally charged journey of attraction.
• Alternatively, we can be obsessive--I shall be as honest as possible and help balance your perspective.
• May have a hard time saying I love you, showing physical affection--I don't see this as true, but I shall help you remember to appreciate your friends.
• We can be very critical--but I value your honesty.
• We takes things personally--I shall try to minimize your burden by not adding to your angst and frustration.
• We can be very loyal to one person--your friends are precious, and I pray that you will learn to maintain your best friendships globally and over time.
• Often times we will make no motions to keep a friendships going--and I will attempt to facilitate opportunities to engage with your friends.
• We need to withdraw and have solitude--I shall plan days (especially on vacations) to allow your rejuvenation.
• Men in particular find emotions messy and unquantifiable; If partner tries to share her love for him, he may find her need to “connect” smothering--emotions are scary, yes. But they are also exhilarating.
• Our attention is narrowly focused on our own interests--and that is just fine because that is how you have been made.
• Men with undiagnosed AS often feel as if their partner is being ungrateful or “bitchy” when she complains he is uncaring or never listens to her--I have been known to be selfish that way, taking care of my needs oblivious of others, so I have to be intentionally generous to others.
• He can become quite defensive when she asks for clarification or a little sympathy. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse (usually not physical abuse) as the man attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world.--I shall seek to be patient and open, and not not steamroll my opinions or desires.

Social Interactions

• Desire for friendships and social contact but difficulty acquiring and maintaining them--therefore, my highest priority is to facilitate and help my son maintain relationships he cares about.
• Shuts down in social situations--usually in noisy environments with plenty of people, otherwise, it is a matter of acceptance.
• Social withdrawal / may avoid social gathering--usually in noisy environments with plenty of people.
• Lack of interest in other people--I don't see this issue in my son.
• Lack of empathy at times--occasionally blunt.
• Difficulty understanding others’ feelings--occasionally blunt.
• Can obsess about having friends to prove they’re “normal”--it is difficult to have a sister who is a social butterfly, which is why helping my son develop and maintain friendships with people who accept him is tantamount.
• Rigid social behavior due to an inability to spontaneously adapt to variations in social situations--I don't often see this in my son.
• Has an urge to inform that can result in being blunt / insulting--my son is very interested in protecting people's feelings, so while he might not understand why what he said or did was hurtful, it means a lot to him that he caused pain.
• Preoccupied with their own agenda--I only see this when under a lot of stress.
• Great difficulty with small-talk and chatter--I can relate to this and often wonder about the value of this, other than it is the precursor to more meaningful interaction if I am patient here and are trustworthy.  

 

FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE:

1. Focus and diligence – The Asperger ability to focus on tasks for a long period of time without needing supervision or incentive is legendary.
2. Internal motivation – as opposed to being motivated by praise, money, bills or acceptance. This ensures a job done with conscience, with personal pride.
3. Independent, unique thinking – people with AS tend to spend a lot of time alone and will likely have developed their own unique thoughts as opposed to a ‘herd’ mentality.
4. Higher fluid intelligence – scientists in Japan have recently discovered that AS children have a higher fluid intelligence than non-autistic children. Fluid intelligence is "the ability to find meaning in confusion and solve new problems. It is the ability to draw inferences and understand the relationships of various concepts, independent of acquired knowledge.” (Wikipedia 2009) Experts say that those with AS have a higher than average general IQ as well.
5. Visual, three-dimensional thinking – some with AS are very visual in their thought processes, which lends itself to countless useful and creative applications.
6. Attention to detail – sometimes with painstaking perfection.
7. Honesty – the value of being able to say “the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.”
8. Logic over emotion – although people with AS are very emotional at times, we spend so much time ‘computing’ in our minds that we get quite good at it. We can be very logical in our approach to problem-solving.

http://www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_4a3112c8/wp_4a3112c8.html